I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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