so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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