nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
