the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
