Will you blow on my dice?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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