Don't you send me to vm
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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