After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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