from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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