i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize