I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
