I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
