I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
