Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize