You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sober January is a disaster.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
