I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Randomize
