I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize