I'm jealous of your bromance
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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