you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
