I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think my moral compass just broke
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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