my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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