eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
