i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
