is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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