You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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