How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
