we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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