the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
