I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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