so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex