Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone