Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.