if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
