I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
