make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
