so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
