we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
