Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
