do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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