Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
In America we eat man semen.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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