i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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