im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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