Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
