Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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