I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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