beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
