Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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