OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My hand turned me down
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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