My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
