I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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