Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
