My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
