Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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