I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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