Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
