I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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