Nicole vs. Life
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
