You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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