my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
