Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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