Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
