you're like a bully in the Christmas story
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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