So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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