he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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